Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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