It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
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we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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