I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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