Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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