Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize