Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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