My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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