It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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