Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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