soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize