Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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