I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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