Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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