she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize