Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we're making bets on your personal life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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