i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
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He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
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He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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