Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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