You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize