I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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