just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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