in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
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I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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