So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
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