yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
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So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
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I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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