I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
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Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
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I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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