Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
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I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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