Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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