so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
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I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
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My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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