I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize