Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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