I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize