A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
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I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize