Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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