Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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