Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize