What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
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i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
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this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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