Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
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