Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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