I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize