New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize