On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
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his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
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I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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