Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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