What did we do last night that was yellow?
Ketchup is God's man juice
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
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going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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