the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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