he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
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A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
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GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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