saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize