so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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