take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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