The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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