I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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