when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize